At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just invented taco cereal.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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