Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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