when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
