my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
