i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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