every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize