Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You made out with two different species that night
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
