Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
