Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
