everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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