your thong is hanging out like whoa
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
