so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
