i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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