i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
