he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
