they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
My vagina just recognized that song.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
