I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize