her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
