About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
