My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
