Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
