shes about as inviting as chlamydia
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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