Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
