i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
