**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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