im drinking this country out of the recession.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
