So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
