Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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