a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
