How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
