sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
