I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
