I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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