Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
