does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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