You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Randomize
