I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
