that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
