I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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