I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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