The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
