I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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