Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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