put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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