Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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