last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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