dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
