And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
