Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
