I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
