Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
