You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
