I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
