so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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