my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
