the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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