it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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