i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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