Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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