I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
