I hope mine doesn't look like that
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
