Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
