So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
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