So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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