Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
