i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
