3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
