sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize