okay pat passed out under dana's car
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
