you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
