i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
