Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
