You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
