so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
